Always Choose the.....

Driving in Florida? Pulling up to the red light? Got a choice of lanes into which to pull, right or left? Always go with the shorter lane. Doesn't matter, right or left. Go short. Why? Fewer cars means fewer opportunities for some asshole to be on their cell phone. We are the worst. The only caveat to this rule is if there is a 7-11 on the other side of the intersection. If the lane lengths are about the same I'll avoid the right lane because I know there's someone in that right lane, sometimes even the left, who's gonna need to pull into the 7-11 and get some smokes.  

Well, I'm Not Surprised...

The toll road near my home in Tampa is the Veteran's Expressway. Currently undergoing a major renovation, adding lanes North and South. What was a surprise to many is that the toll authority was adding 2 new lanes in each direction, one of which has an additional toll and is "high speed." I don't remember getting a vote on that change. Driving home last Saturday I delighted to find out that they've already opened up part of the highway to three lanes. And just as fast I was disheartened to remember that I live and drive in Florida. Just as I got to the new extra lane/third lane. The "left lane cruiser" slid right on over and effectively blocked the third lane, driving side-by-side with the two cars next to them. Don't get me wrong. I love doing 59 mph in a 60 zone. Oh hell. I hate doing 59 in a 60 zone. But this is Florida and that's what we do. I'm thinking that the "high speed" lane isn't going to work any better when the 59er gets in over there and then you can't get out for miles and miles and miles. There will be blood.

This IS What I Should Have Told You...

This is one of those driving lessons that you just internalize after being in Florida for a while and forget about until it gets thrown back in your face. In Florida while driving just remember that everyone has the right of way. Doesn't matter that you are doing 45mph people will pull out in front of you and expect you to stop. Red light? Not for me. I only tell you this as a warning to please be careful while driving here in Florida. As tempting as it might be to actually hit them because it would be their fault. Remember, they probably don't have insurance and they are probably armed.

Maybe I Shouldn't Be Telling You This...

I'm an early riser. Usually up at 3:30/4:00 am. Unfortunately, my wife and daughter don't share my delight in the early mornings. Meaning that they like to sleep and I can't make any noise nor turn on any lights. What to do? What to do? I know I'll go to the 24hr gym and see who else is working out at 4am. The best part of going to the gym is that here in Tampa at 4am all of the traffic lights are set on sensors and as soon as you pull up to the intersection the light changes to green and off you go. The problem? And I know I discussed this in an earlier blog, but it happened again this morning. As I was approaching an intersection this morning a car pulled up at the cross street and my light changed to red forcing me to stop. The light turns green for the car at the cross street and they don't move. And don't move. And don't move. They have the green light. So now I'm looking closer and I can see their face in the blue glow of the smartphone. So I toot my horn. No response. I beep my horn. No response. I honk my horn and now they look up and into their rearview mirror. Don't see anyone and go back to the phone. Now I'm really honking. They check the mirror again and then look around confused as to who might be honking at them and why. Then they look at the traffic light which has been green for at least a minute and they slowly drive through the intersection still looking at their phone. This is why I am NOT allowed to carry a gun in the car.

Try a Little Tenderness... or a Canadian Club

This is one of those little, or not so little things in life that drive me nuts. When you pull into a parking space and get out of your car please do NOT bang your car door into the side of my car. Seems simple enough but it it is apparently too tough for many people to manage. I drive a Honda Element. One of the things that I like is the wide sweep of smooth black paint that makes up the sides of the car. Only not it looks more like the surface of Mars with all of the dings, scratches and yes, gashes in the paint. This might be annoying enough in and of itself but I make an effort to park out and away from others and I still get dented. By the way this is NOT strictly a Florida problem. However, I would call it a United States problem. Why? I've been fortunate enough to make three extended trips to the Great White North, Canada. One out West to the Canadian Rockies and two to the East Coast, Halifax and St.John. In the collective 2 months that I was driving my rental cars around and parking in Canada I suffered no dings, dents or even scratches. The first trip I thought it was a fluke. The second time just good luck. The third? Damn, those Canadians are just the nicest most conscientious group of people. And they are.